American Horror Story: Coven, Episode 7

[dropcap]I[/dropcap]t finally happened. After weeks of seeing Evan Peters go to waste as Franken-Kyle he is finally given something to do in the form of a flashback which actually gives the walking vegetable some poignance. I’ve waited a long time for this, I’m certainly not disappointed.

The Dead opens with Kyle in a tattoo parlour prior to his accident. His friends are all getting meaningless tattoos and Kyle proclaims he’d rather miss out on the tradition because he dreams of being an engineer one day and wants to do good in the world, thus summarising his monologue as a reason not to get a tattoo in case it hinders his opportunities. Despite his troubles, we’re reassured Kyle was always a good intentioned guy… until of course Madison flipped the bus and all was lost. Cut to present day and we see Kyle quivering on the floor of Cordelia’s greenhouse, sobbing at a tattoo on his arm before pulling his trouser leg up to reveal the equally trashy Chinese symbols his friend had inked on his leg. He wails in sorrow and it becomes all too apparent that Kyle’s dreams are well and truly shattered… not to mention he’s made out of his dead friends’ body parts. Yikes.

This short scene really hit home just how desperate and desolate Kyle’s situation is since Zoe brought him back. Should we really mess with this sort of thing? The same is true for Madison. Madison gives an equally wonderful monologue about her less than triumphant return from death and we learn that things just aren’t the same for her. She felt dead inside during life and now she is even more dead, suffering and empty. A lot of fans don’t like Madison and have described her character as pointless – especially since she is definitely not The Supreme – but I do actually enjoy her bitchy self-absorbed diatribes and her Lady Lazarus act is sure going to get dangerous fast.

The rest of the episode is pretty tricky. After two great scenes we’re left with a story that seems to be another distraction to the real issues at hand;  quite frankly, the lazy writing for The Dead is really starting to become a problem. Since Madame LaLaurie was assigned as Queenie’s PA, the pair have become very close despite the  initial racism problem…. Sharing burgers, watching LaLaurie cook for Queenie, their little heart to heart chats – its all actually been very nice! But Marie Laveau has her eye on Queenie telling her “The voodoo doll belongs in the house of Voodoo” and proposes a trade-off.

Naturally Queenie does a complete 180 and decides to quiz LaLaurie about the most evil thing she has done, where she reveals in a flashback that she killed her Housemaid’s baby as it was the child of her adulterous husband. Queenie decides to turn LaLaurie over to Laveau based on this one anecdote despite knowing all of LaLaurie’s previous chequered tales of horror. Was that really enough to push Queenie over the edge or is this the worst plot device in the history of AHS? I felt more endeared towards the ‘aliens’ in season two than I do believing Queenie’s sudden change of heart.

After bonding with the frustrated Kyle, Madison – who essentially just talks at him about how scared and alone death made her feel – and he have sex, much to Zoe’s surprise. The logic escapes me, as he can barely string a sentence together and I really can’t remember the girls attaching a penis when they resurrected him, but hey ho.

Another niggling detail is that Goody Two Shoes Zoe has also inexplicably turned on her head. Last season we saw a Goody Two Shoes nun turn evil as she became possessed by a demon, and a hard-assed nun turn soft. The change was gradual or had a reasonable (well… sort of) explanation and yet Zoe’s transformation has literally been within the span of two episodes. Last week she raised the calculating spirit of The Axeman, this week she murders Spalding. We don’t learn anything and a potentially great character is offed with no real need. Just as we got to the meaty stuff about how he had loved Fiona for decades and would do anything to protect her, he was stabbed in the chest. He’ll also probably be resurrected later. Yawn.

Naturally the romance of this season is coming into play but I’m practically tearing my hair out waiting for more actual magic to happen. Fiona and The Axeman are currently engaged in a seductive sexual relationship after he admitted his equally creepy obsession with her, naturally appealing to Fiona’s ego. He described how he had a fatherly love for her as he watched her as a child which grew into a ‘man’s love’ as she matured into a beautiful woman. Again, I don’t know where AHS is going with this…

Long story short, this episode ends in a threesome. A weird, creepy threesome. Apparently Zoe’s Killer  lady parts don’t work on dead guys. Go figure….