Before we begin, let’s have a minute’s silence for perhaps the unluckiest person in Game of Thrones. Hell, I’d be willing to bet that poor Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) takes the prize for the unluckiest person in any TV show ever.
If you thought the men in your life were troublesome, just take a look at young Miss Stark. First there was Joffrey (Jack Gleeson), who delighted in torturing her for his own sick amusement. Then came Littlefinger (Aidan Gillan), who would stab his own mother for a bigger slice of cake. And now she’s betrothed… to Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon).
That poor, poor lass.
Shame on the show for doing that to her! But hey, maybe Theon (Alfie Allen) will grow a pair and rescue her – sorry, that was just too good to miss.
Shame on you (i)
Ever heard the phrase ‘Don’t kiss and tell’? Margaery (Natalie Dormer) clearly hasn’t. She delighted in making fun of the king, in full view of his very bitter mother. Not very nice, dear. At least King Tommen (Dean Charles-Chapman) is having a great time. He probably thinks he’s the luckiest teenager in the world. Such a shame he and Sansa were never on the cards – they’re both so naive they’d compliment each other beautifully.
Margaery had better watch out – Cersei (Lena Headey) is out for blood. At least the new queen has more of a backbone than her father, Mace (Roger Ashton-Griffiths). I mean, have some self-respect man! Still opening doors like a obedient servant? You’re the lord of the second biggest family in the Seven Kingdoms! The Boltons would eat him alive. Provided Cersei doesn’t see to him first.
Shame on you (ii)
Dragons, ice demons, pirates – it seems Game of Thrones is not afraid to dabble in all things weird. Now it’s taking on the story of Frankenstein, told through the eyes of uber-creep Qyburn (Anton Lesser). Just what the hell does he have under those blankets? I’m not sure we really want to know. Seeing it pop up like a haunted house theme park ride was just spooky. Whatever it is, it can’t be good.
Shame on you (iii)
You know, I think we’re all wrong. Jon Snow (Kit Harington) does know something – so far, he’s doing a good job as Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. This shaming is reserved for Janos Slynt (Dominic Carter), who thought he could get away with directly refusing an order. Yep, we’d all love to tell our boss to shove it up their arse, but not when the penalty could very well be death.
It’s not like Jon offered him a bad job. It was still a position of authority, far away from any actual danger. Janos finally got what he deserved – a sharp sword and a clean swing. Long overdue!
Shame on you (iv)
I thought Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) would be a little smarter than to blab about being ‘one of the richest men in the world’ in a busy brothel. How many dwarves in the Seven Kingdoms can say that? All it took was the wrong pair of ears, in this case Ser Jorah’s (Iain Glen), and cover blown!
Still, I suppose Tyrion’s just depressed and doesn’t really care what happens to him anymore. He couldn’t even get excited for a whore. This is one broken man.
And finally Jorah Mormont gets to do something other than lust after a woman he can never have. He and Tyrion should make quite the pair – a laugh a minute.
That concludes another enjoyable episode from Westeros. Season five is now fully in swing. Join us next week for some more shamings.