5. Coincidences

The stars of Made in Chelsea manage to randomly bump into each other all the time – it’s like dodgems. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a chance meeting while scuba-diving in the Maldives. Or hiking through the Ecuadorian rainforest.

“Bro! Fancy seeing you here! What you up to man?”

“Just hacking leaf dude. Just hacking leaf. You coming to Spennie’s party later?”

“Absolutely mate. I’m sky-diving there. I’ll probably bump into you on the way. Laters.”

The producers have obviously given up on creating realistic encounters, but it makes it me giggle that they still try.


4. Expensive taste

It's not all caviar and truffles on Made in Chelsea.
It’s not all caviar and truffles on Made in Chelsea.


I’d go broke very quickly if I visited all the clubs and restaurants frequented by the MIC crowd, but the dessert bar was too tempting. I took my wife, and you get a set menu made up of puddings. Just puddings. The food might’ve been rich, but I certainly wasn’t after paying the bill.

If you also fancy checking out some of the Made in Chelsea haunts, make sure you sell one of your kidneys first.


3. Tear jerks

It’s no surprise that these socialites struggle to cry on cue. Really, what have they got to be sad about? A scratch on the new Ferrari? The mansion tax? They’re all TV stars with piles of inherited cash to fall back on if the acting dries up. It’s excruciating – but funny – watching them blink furiously as they try to force out a pesky bit of eye water after the latest failed romance.

The producers could just use an onion – not to induce tears, but as a cast member. At least it has some layers to it.


2. Mark-Francis

Mark-Francis shows off his best man-pout.
Mark-Francis shows off his best man-pout.


Easily the funniest and most likeable character in the show, Mark-Francis fully embraces his poshness. He’s the TV equivalent of Boris Johnson – a loveable snob. Except his hair is immaculately coiffured and he wouldn’t be found dead on a bicycle.

Mark-Francis isn’t on screen enough for my liking, but when he is, you can be sure he has a couple of bitchy one-liners up his velvet sleeve.


1. Awkwardness

Made in Chelsea is politely described as ‘structured reality’, which means the gist of each scene is laid out, but the cast have to improvise. It leads to some incredibly awkward moments. Sometimes a conversation goes nowhere, and you end up watching two people have a weird stare-off. Other times you can pinpoint the moment someone’s mind goes blank, as they begin to desperately repeat themselves.

Strange as it might seem, these are the best bits. With all the fake tan, faux fur and pretend crying, it’s the cringeworthy moments that seem most natural.


You can watch Made in Chelsea on Mondays at 9pm on E4.