4 years

Review: The Human Centipede 3 (2015)

You are warned: do not waste your precious time watching this so-called movie.

A review of The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)

Tom Six returns to give us another horror gross-fest which promises to be the ultimate centipede experience. As the third instalment in The Human Centipede series, we expect it to the best of the three – an improvement on the low scored prequels – but that may have been asking for too much.

The Human Centipede 3 stars Dieter Lasar returning to the trilogy as new character Bill Boss, a bully prison warden. Boss has a lot of work problems – his prison has the highest statistical medical costs, prison riots and staff turnover in the country. On top of all this, he does not get any respect from the inmates under his care or the state Governor (Eric Roberts). He tries everything to come up with different ways to punish his inmates in order to gain the respect he feels he deserves and to put them in line, which is taking its toll, driving him insane. The Governor issues Boss a threat of termination if he cannot get his act together, so he is forced to work with his right-hand man Dwight (Laurence R. Harvey) to think up something revolutionary that could potentially change the prison system for good.

The film opens at a scene from The Human Centipede 2, which is being watched by Boss and Dwight, with Dwight proposing the idea of the human centipede for the inmates at the prison – so we’re off. I lost interest shortly after the first scene.

The first thing that hit me about this film was the lack of talent. All of the main cast are laughably bad, which I suppose, at times, gives some form of entertainment. Lasar shouts almost all of his lines and over-exaggerates every movement, which is difficult to watch and grates at your toleration levels. Harvey and adult film star Bree Olsen complete the main cast, whose performances replicate that of a parody movie. The only person worth watching is Roberts, who shows more talent in one line than the rest of the other cast combined. I wouldn’t even cast them in a television commercial.

I suppose the terrible acting could be overlooked if there was at least a good story, something to grasp for, but that’s obviously too much to ask. The plot for the third film is wildly unbelievable which makes it even worse than the previous movies. The first two, although unbelievable in their own right, could be credible at a stretch; it’s possible a sick individual would carry out something like this on a small scale in their own home, but not on such a large scale and in a state prison without someone realising what is going on and stepping in to shut it down. It would entirely distract from the film, if there was anything to distract from, and defeat any attempt at a serious atmosphere it even had a chance of having.

It doesn’t even deliver the gore that it promises. It has some but not as much as I anticipated, and if anything the first two films delivered much more. The concept of the centipede is gross and unsettling, I give them that, but we’ve already seen it in the previous films and it did make me feel sick, but that could have been more to do with the terrible experience that was watching this train-wreck of a movie. I found myself wanting to do anything but watch this movie – scrolling through twitter, writing shopping lists – and then found myself writing this review whilst watching the thing. There is not enough going on to keep you even remotely interested. My only recommendation would be not to waste 100 minutes of your life watching this garbage.


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