With films like The Expendables providing more muscle pumping, testosterone filled characters in its run time than pretty much any movie ever made, we thought we’d balance things out with a little bit of sensitivity and look at the top ten movies that make men cry. They won’t admit it, but these movies will pull at their heart strings and have them welling up even at the thought of them. We’re sorry, we must go, we have something in our eye…
10. Top Gun
Fighter jets flying fast, really fast, these are the best pilots in the world, what could possibly go wrong? Yeah, Maverick (Tom Cruise) is cocky but Goose (Anthony Edwards) is fun. He’s the friendly family man, he’ll be ok. Hang on why are they ejecting from their plane? Who on earth left that cockpit hood there? Ahh man – why couldn’t you kill Iceman (Val Kilmer) instead?
Macho oil rig workers join macho astronauts to plant macho nuclear bombs on a big macho asteroid heading straight for earth. In true Michel Bay style Armageddon’s full of big macho explosions so what could possibly make anyone cry? In runs Liv Tyler screaming ‘that’s my father’ as Bruce Willis makes the ultimate sacrifice and stays behind to detonate the nuclear bombs, saving the planet and Ben Affleck, giving us two reasons to cry.
8. Stand by Me
It’s unfair to say that chicks don’t get this movie but we’re going to say it anyway. There’s something about walking along a train track to look at a dead body that only men understand. This movie has everything, mad dogs, dysfunctional families, strained father-son relationships, bullies, soul searching and leeches in your pants. It’s that last bit that makes your eyes water – and that’s still crying.
Usually the tears come toward the end of a movie but with Up Pixar rips your heart out and throws it in the popcorn machine within the first few minutes. Ok, some men may not have experienced true love just yet, but we know it when we see it. Let’s of course not ruin it by pointing out that Carl’s fun seems to start once his wife dies.
6. Old Yeller
If you’ve ever had a dog, or any pet for that matter, watch this movie alone if you’re trying to maintain that tough guy image. Poor Yeller, he was just trying to save his best friend from a rabid wolf. Put the gun down Travis, no Travis, what are you doing? BANG! Heart = broken.
It’s likely most men will have seen this movie as a boy, but who wouldn’t be upset when a funky naked alien finally has to say goodbye, regardless of whether he’s always going to be in our heart or not? That is not going to make our BMX fly again is it? Everything else in our life will now be boring, thanks for that.
4. The Notebook
While it’s not technically a ‘man movie’ don’t pretend you haven’t seen it and don’t pretend it didn’t make you cry.
3. Marley and Me
Clearly not learning from Old Yeller we’ve let another dog get under our skin and make us love him, even though we know from the moment we meet that we’ll end up living longer and will have to say goodbye. That’s it – no more pets EVER, we can’t cope with this grief. Our heart is now made of stone.
2. Million Dollar Baby
A movie about boxing, ok female boxing, but surely this wouldn’t make anyone cry, would it? Its ok it’s directed by and stars Clint Eastwood, he’s tough and so your emotions might as well just move along, there’s nothing to see here. Oh, hold on, Hilary Swank is doing well; we might pretend to like her a bit. Wait, wow, didn’t see that end coming – please hold us.
1. Toy Story 3
Pixar do it again. Not content with making us emotional wrecks before Up even really gets going, they now have to ensure psychologists still have good business for years to come, as every man in the world is forced to relive the moment their childhood died when they said goodbye to their toys. Those insensitive animators will be receiving the bill for our therapy very soon.