Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey (2023) review: Life really is a journey, who would have thought it would lead us here?

There are ideas of such unprecedented genius that you wonder why nobody else thought of it, then there are ideas very well trodden by numerous cinema ventures, but sometimes there are ideas that really ought not exist but kind of beg to be seen all the same. Hello, Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey.

Thanks to the rights of A. A. Milne and E. H. Shepard’s beloved books and characters entering public domain last year, we have this, a slasher horror retelling of the 100 Acre Wood gang! As Winnie the Pooh (Craig David Dowsett) and Piglet (Chris Cordell) have gone feral, due to being abandoned years ago by Christopher Robin. But as Christopher (Nikolai Leon) returns to see them, this silly old bear is not in the mood for a reunion.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey was certainly one way to spend an evening. As concepts go, it is actually a potentially crazily enjoyable one (no, seriously), but after the effectively dark animated opening (which gives Pooh and Piglet a bloody good reason to seek vengeance I think), things get messy rather quick. 

There’s an idea here (somewhere) and despite some of the public outcry being similar (albeit far far less major) to the controversial likes of Silent Night, Deadly Night (cue: “won’t somebody think of the children” meme), this film cannot quite measure up to the hype. Of course we should always celebrate something different and a low budget project getting such a grand platform, but this film is lacking in so many ways, and it is a real shock this one made it to the big screen at all.

The film’s many inconsistencies begin to pile up in ways that, with all the greatest will in the world, cannot be ignored. For instance 100 Acre Wood only ever feels like a huge back garden, while the “isolated” home getaway seems reasonably well surrounded by houses. A community oddly unbothered by our honey-sucking killer mutant. Plus, the film seems rather baffled as to whether is it day or night? And these are just but a few gaffs and looses seams.

Also, the movie makes some unusual decisions. Showing off a My Bloody Valentine 3D-esque news snippet opening credits, so how is no one aware of this killer bear (or rather man in a yellow bear suit and dungarees)…and why is Piglet looking more like a roided up Pumbaa these days? And why the CGI bees? Have we learnt nothing from The Wicker Man 2006? 

It is of further detriment that the film is filled with largely unlikeable characters that you don’t really want to see walk out alive, I mean this snazzy jumper wearing Christopher Robin sort of deserves a good spanking for leaving his animal friends high and dry, with no thought for their care. Then there is some, shall we say, questionable dialogue that is sometimes hilarious, “Something’s wrong with Piglet, he killed my wife!”.

But hey, let’s all just calm down a moment, the budget is low and sometimes things can be forgiven, after all it feels nasty to pile on an independent British horror, especially a slasher, just aiming for gory fun. But you see that is the real killer, worse than any inconsistencies and unpleasant characters, Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey should really be so much more entertaining than it actually is. In fact, for all the wood chippers, sledgehammers and face-gobbling, the film is kind of just very ho-hum and bland.

Maybe a drink or two (or eight) might help with that, and I suppose I can now say I have seen a film where someone calls Winnie the Pooh a “f**king nonce” and Pooh karate chops people’s hands off, so there is that. 

I mean it is terrible really but hey, that’s life. Oh, bother indeed. Wonder if they’ll do a killer Bambi or Peter Pan next. *Checks internet. Oh wait? They are actually doing both of those? Blimey…