How would you like to die today?
Fists of Fury
Sometimes people don’t need props to perform a play, sometimes people like to keep things simple and go with their bare hands. Take The Last House on the Left (1972) for example. Yes, Krugg uses a knife at one point, but the horror show started way before that, and continued long afterwards too. Hands are underestimated and can be put to good use, unless you’re Ash from Evil Dead, in which case, one hand probably wouldn’t be enough (enter chainsaw, an later entry...).
Inception taught us that the mind is a powerful thing, but horror taught us that it can also be deadly. The mind is not a weapon that can be dispossessed, which makes it all the scarier. I guess the only way to stop someone from using their mind is to, cut their head off? (Weapons to do this will be mentioned later) Carrie, Darth Vader and Hannibal Lecter are all masters of the mind and, while not being exactly frightening in appearance, I dare you to show a distinct lack of faith in the presence of Lord Vader. Go on, I dare you.
Not a weapon you would expect to come back to bite you in the ass. Adam and Eve had no problems living in the Garden of Eden, so why should we be afraid of the great outdoors? Tell that to the stars of Evil Dead, Anti-Christ and The Ruins, who have several horror-filled encounters with the silent killer known as Mother Nature. Nature often gets away with it too. Can you imagine telling your partner/friend that a tree just attacked you?!
Boxes of unknown origin
The Lament Configuration Box! How can you ever complete a horror list without mentioning Hellraiser? Whether the list is ‘Worst Dressed Villains’, ‘Best Possible Horror Band’ or ‘Famous Last Words’, Hellraiser always deserves a mention. The LCB serves up a lot of pain in Hellraiser and unleashes, quite literally, hell on earth. It may look like a cute puzzle box that would get you a hefty sum at auction, but a few twists and turns later and you’re having dinner with Pinhead and co. Not exactly what we would call the perfect date.
Ergh, not more vampires surely? No, let’s talk about teeth from a Predator point of view instead. Arnie was right when he called Predator an 'ugly mother f****r’. Legend has it that it's the teeth that let him down. The guy has about eight teeth in different places around his mouth. Definitely not one you’d want to take out to lunch (presumably as you would be the lunch). Jaws from James Bond also had dodgy teeth, but only the true Bond fans would call Moonraker a horror.
Not the Delorean. Not the pink Cadillac from Thunderbirds. And not the Batmobile. Think Jeepers Creepers or Rutger Hauer from The Hitcher on his path of destruction as he crosses wires with two innocent teenagers who can’t seem to shake off their pursuer as he chases them down. The Hitcher did for driving what Jaws did for swimming.
This may be a controversial choice. You wouldn’t consider James Bond to be the master of horror, but give guns to a group of school children who just want to live, and there’s the horror. Battle Royale saw guns, hacksaws, rope, knives and all sorts of nasty treats given to school children who were told to kill their friends or be killed themselves. If Leon made you think young girls with semi-automatics were cute, I suggest a viewing of Battle Royale.
What do you expect when these bad boys are just lying around in case of fires / emergencies? Of course someone is going to pick one up! Jack Torrance did and didn’t look back. The scene in The Shining where Torrance proceeds to smash down the bathroom door with an axe so he can turn his wife and child into worm food remains one of the most frightening scenes in cinematic history.
How can something you can purchase at your local Tesco be such an intimidating weapon of movie destruction? Those who have watched Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Scream and Psycho should know all about the importance of the knife, or kitchen knife to be exact. Sharp, pointy and pretty durable, not to mention light weight, make the knife a weapon not to be taken lightly (excuse the pun), especially when taking into account the person wielding one.
That’s more like it. Not so subtle and a trouble to pack into your pocket, we finally arrive at the chainsaw. Big, loud and stumbles along, Leatherface seemed the perfect fit for the noisiest weapon of movie destruction on this list. Neither are elegant, neither takes time over their work and both are at some point guaranteed to be running low on energy. Not the most efficient weapon to use, but if you’re looking to make a mess and don’t care who hears it, this is the one for you.
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