Yep, we all knew it was going to happen. Yep, we all expected it. Yep, we were all wondering why it was taking so sodding long to finally happen. Well now, the wait is finally over.
This week, Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) finally made a triumphant return! Yay!
Okay, sorry, I’m not being mean. Grey Worm’s actually pretty awesome. And so was this episode. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s one of the best the show has ever produced. It’s that good. So many things happened in it – I mean, I can’t help feeling more happened here than in the entirety of season five. But I digress.
Things may have significantly improved this year, but the shamings will always be there. Let’s get on with it.
Shame on you (i)
What is it with this show taking awesome characters from the books and completely wasting them? Last week, poor Prince Doran (Alexander Siddig) was killed off as though they’d never bothered with him, and now it’s Roose Bolton’s (Michael McElhatton) turn. There we were, thinking it was going to be an interesting power play between him and Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) this year, and Ramsay stabs him in the chest during episode two.
I have to ask: what the hell did Roose think was going to happen? All those times he’d goaded Ramsay with the promise of a new baby boy, using it as a way of keeping him in check. Roose had all the power, and Ramsay was just a mad dog that he was keeping on a leash. He thought Ramsay would never be able to move against him. Even if he did, Roose would see it coming a mile off.
Just to put this into perspective, here’s a quote from the book, A Dance with Dragons, that Roose says to his illegitimate son:
“Everything you have I gave you, bastard. Be sure you remember that before you make me rue the day I raped your mother.“
But… forget about all that. It turns out Ramsay can just kill the Lord of Winterfell in his study with nobody batting an eyelid. It turns out that Roose goading Ramsay was not the action of a very clever man delighting in taunting his psychopath of a son. It was just the actions of an idiot, poking a sleeping lion who was always going to turn around and bite him.
Remember the Roose that betrayed Robb Stark (Richard Madden)? Remember the Roose that even Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) was scared of? Well, so long to him I guess.
And, of course, Ramsay continued to be as lovely as ever, feeding his infant brother to the dogs. It’s looking like Ramsay will be going up against Jon Snow (Kit Harington) now, and he’s going to lose spectacularly. Bring it on.
Shame on you (ii)
Don’t get me wrong, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) may be one of the most intelligent characters on the show, but does he have a sodding death wish lately? Last week he’s walking through Meereen unprotected, this week he’s releasing dragons!
What does he think will happen to the city if he dies doing something stupid? Does he even care? I suppose I’d be clawing at the walls hanging out in that infernal palace all day. Seriously show, we don’t care about Meereen. We want Dany (Emilia Clarke), Tyrion and Varys (Conleth Hill) to get the hell back to Westeros and finally sort everything out.
On the bright side, it seems Tyrion has made some fire-breathing mates. There’s no doubt he needs them. Although I have to feel sorry for the poor buggers. They’ve spent an entire season in chains! Surely when they do see Dany again, they aren’t going to be too chuffed? Oh well. Maybe they can burn Tyrion’s beard off.
Shame on you (iii)
Wait a second, is that Brandon Stark (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) I see? Where the bloody hell have you been, dude?
Bran’s absence – he was last seen in season four – was explained away by the fact that his story from the books had been caught up to in the show. It was promised that when we saw him again, he’d be properly trained up by this mysterious Three-Eyed Raven (Max von Sydow) and ready to do some serious shit. Well, here we are two years later and he’s still hanging about in a cave doing sod all. No wonder Meera (Ellie Kendrick) is getting bored.
Seriously, with Bran getting pointless wizard lessons and Arya (Maisie Williams) taking forever with her assassin training, it makes you breathe a sigh of relief that at least Jon Snow might finally start to do something. Guys, they keep on spouting that we’re close to that finish line. So let’s see stuff happening.
Shame on you (iv)
Let’s have one massive shaming directed at Alliser Thorne (Owen Teale), whose bitterness and hatred towards Jon Snow and the Wildlings has pretty much secured the downfall of everything he’s ever stood for. In an episode with many great lines, one of my favourites has got to be Tormund’s (Kristofer Hivju) comment to Thorne that the Wildlings have been kept out for hundreds of years – until him. He killed his Lord Commander in cold blood and now has to face the consequences. Since when does that ever happen in Game of Thrones?
But no shaming here – that final scene was just fantastic. They dragged it out just the right amount, to the point where you were seriously wondering if Jon really was going to come back. And then he opened his eyes. Months of speculation and it turns out he lives after all. Poor Kit Harington has been lying to us all along. Must have been driving him crazy.
Brilliant episode. Game of Thrones is back. And it’s about damn time.
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