Review: Scary MoVie (2013)

To slightly misquote The Shining, some movies stay with you forever and ever and ever, then there are others that won’t sod off, and it seems we can categorize the Scary Movie franchise as part of the latter. Since 2000’s Scary Movie this series has been pretty pointless, based solely on a parody of a film that was a parody. Yet with each passing entry the jokes have just never altered and the hit rate has grown slimmer and slimmer each time. The most hand on head issue has been the film’s scattershot choices of parody. War of the Worlds, Million Dollar Baby… why? The only thing you can say for this sequel is that it feels a bit more current than most of the Scary Movie films and that the narrative chooses mainly horror films to parody.

Then again when the spoofing is so dire, what is this consolation worth? Proft and Zucker’s script is dreadful, caked in the dust of the franchise’s former films. There are about two titters worth in this entire catastrophe. Racial gags, pop culture references and piss poor takes on horror is the order of the day and this order is likely to give you food poisoning. It is at a point now where nobody seems to really give a damn anymore, especially the actors. From an awkward Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan opening to Simon Rex’s tired slapstick, this film feels to be performed with not one hint of care or charm. The worst part is all the star-studded cameos that are here to little or no end. Terry Crews shows up in a terrible Rise of the Planet of the Apes sub-plot and Mike Tyson shows up in S&M gear, a sight the devil will surely use to torture the dammed for years to come.

Sophistication and tact is not expected but when the plot consists of poorly structured spoof skits, with only tenuous connections, it is time to give it up as a bad idea. The film’s ideas for “comedy” seems to be Lidia Porto sexing a hoover, an animalistic little girl sticking a lolly stick u her jacksie and someone pissing on an iPod touch. This is just dire entertainment that is directed with absolutely zero flair and there is no structure at all. In fact the poster features skits that have been cut from the film, editing has clearly butchered many scenes, shame they didn’t do the whole film.