This article could contain spoilers.

Hodor!

Well, GoT, you’ve done it again. You’d lured us into a false sense of security by bringing Jon Snow (Kit Harington) back. We thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d taken a break from killing off all the nice people. But no. Not only did poor, loyal Hodor (Kristian Nairn) die horribly, but the reveal as to why he kept saying “Hodor” made everyone who laughed at him hang their heads in shame. Seriously, where is Melisandre (Carice van Houten) when you need her?

RIP Hodor. You held that door well.

And we can all agree without hesitation: George R. R. Martin is one sick bastard.

 

Shame on you (i)

On the subject of Hodor, let’s talk about Brandon Stark (Isaac Hempstead-Wright). The guy is little more than a spoilt troublemaker! When told not to climb the tower, he climbs the tower.  When told not to do whatever the hell he’s been doing with Max von Sydow without his supervision, he does it anyway. Because he’s bored. And, coincidentally, he brings a massive army of White Walkers down on his friends, leading to the demise of Hodor, Summer the dire wolf, and also old Max. Whoever he was.

Seriously, would someone ground this kid already? No complaints about the scene itself though; it was pretty damn fantastic. So it turns out the Children of the Forest, the oldest people in Westeros, created the White Walkers with dragon glass to stop the First Men invaders, who themselves would be invaded by the Andals later – yes, I’m a GoT geek, not figured that out yet? Except said Children couldn’t control them, and now they’re running rampant.

At least that massive army is waiting for them at the Wall, and not currently on its way to Winterfell. Oh…

 

Shame on you (ii)

Those damn Red Priestesses are everywhere these days.

Yes, Melisandre brought Jon back, but she also burned Shireen (Kerry Ingram) at the stake and stripped off, leaving nothing to the imagination, a few weeks ago – eeeesh. Now it looks like Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is about to cast his lot in with one. A serious mistake that could lead to his doom. Varys (Conleth Hill) was much warier. It was religion and sorcery that saw him lose his manhood as a child, after all. And while all this is happening, I’m just there gazing at this Priestess’ jewel, wondering what the hell it could be hiding. Thanks for that, show.

It’s funny, I’m now much more invested in Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) since she left Meereen, but Tyrion’s still there, and his story has suddenly become just a tiny bit, well, dull. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than watching him plod along from Pentos to Meereen for a full season, but let’s face it, nobody cares about Meereen. We want Tyrion back in King’s Landing, out-thinking and out-manoeuvring. Doing what he does best.

 

Shame on you (iii)

Can we just take a second to talk about how God awful that play was? I mean wow, that was bad. Thank the Old Gods and New that’s not the adaptation of season one that we got! Poor Arya (Maisie Williams) had to sit and watch the lot of them make her family look like fools. It seems she isn’t quite ready to give up who she is just yet. Hell, she’s getting bloody pummeled daily by the Waif (Faye Marsay). Why would she want to?

What’s interesting about this play is that it’s a new plot from the books that we’re seeing for the first time here. Sure, this season has had plenty of new material, but it’s all pretty much featuring characters we’re familiar with. This is a whole new bunch, and it’s obviously important. But why? Will this be an important turning point for Arya as she decides not to kill Lady Crane (Essie Davis)? Time will tell, but Crane deserves assassination just for being part of that monstrosity of a play!

By the way, did anyone notice Richard E Grant in that little theatre group? Seriously, they wouldn’t cast him for a throwaway cameo. Something big is going to happen with these guys.

 

Shame on you (iv)

Sansa (Sophie Turner). Finally, it seems the girl has grown some sense.

If there’s one thing you never do in Westeros – aside from accepting an invitation to a Frey wedding – it’s trust Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen). The guy is a bloody sociopath who will use anyone to get what he wants, especially the young woman who reminds him of his long lost love Catelyn (Michelle Fairley). It seems she’s finally learning. It’s an interesting debate as to whether she should have accepted his Vale Knights help. In one respect, it’s more men to take down Ramsay (Iwan Rheon). On another, it means going back under Littlefinger’s thumb. And Sansa’s done with him.

However, it seems she’s still very ready to let him manipulate her, despite her present feeling towards him. She neglected to even tell Jon she’d seen him – something Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) couldn’t help but notice – and seemed to hear him when he pointed out Jon was only her half brother. It seems Sansa may not quite view Jon in the same way she does Bran or Robb (Richard Madden). And just when we were so thrilled to see a Stark reunion!

I really hope Sansa and Jon don’t fall out. That would suck.

 

Shame on you (v)

On the subject of young women suddenly acquiring sense, Dany has finally forgiven Jorah (Iain Glen). Despite his spying on her, I was never a massive fan of the way she treated him, and a big shaming on her for that. Now, Jorah can go on a quest to find a cure, knowing full well he has a queen waiting for him. Maybe he could ask Stannis (Stephen Dillane) for some advice. Ah…

 

Well, another corker. Let’s say it one more time: Hodor!

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