R + L = J
You heard it here first, folks. Well, okay, no you didn’t. This is a theory that’s been dotted around the internet since before the internet was even invented – the idea that Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is the secret son of Prince Rhaegar and Lyanna Stark.
It seems to make sense from a character standpoint. Ned Stark (Sean Bean) was so honourable he was almost boring, so the proposition that he slept with some tavern wench, regardless of the circumstances, has always been a bit of a stretch. There’s only one reason he’d tell such a nasty lie to his wife: to protect his sister’s son – a boy who would’ve been a threat to Robert Baratheon (Mark Addy), and thus in danger from the minute he was born.
Maybe Jon Snow is not the bastard son of Ned Stark, but the bastard son of Rhaegar Targaryen, nephew to Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and a potential heir for a woman who can’t have children. He’d better start knowing something, eh?
Shame on you (i)
I think it’s very clear by now that you really shouldn’t trust any whore in Meereen. Back in episode one, they were slitting Unsullied throats, and now they’re distracting Second Sons so the Sons of the Harpy – everyone seems to be a son at the moment – can sneak up and gut them. If Daario (Michiel Huisman) wasn’t so busy admiring himself in the mirror, maybe he could’ve done something about it.
Instead, we finally – finally! – got to see Ser Barristan Selmy (Ian McElhinney) kick some ass. For four seasons, we’ve heard how good he is, and at last we get to see it. And… they kill him off. Bloody typical Game of Thrones.
I hope, at least, Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) survived the assault. Either way, Dany is in desperate need of a new advisor. Maybe one who’s served as Hand of the King, stands roughly three feet tall, and still remains many people’s favourite character?
Shame on you (ii)
Everytime Melisandre (Carice van Houten) is on screen, I can’t decide whether to be aroused or seriously freaked out. It seems poor Jon Snow, sorry Targaryen – I’m telling you, I’m right – shares my opinion. I mean, wow, whenever that woman wants something, she just strips. I’m not complaining – it’s better than gazing at Daario’s behind for five minutes.
Even so, Jon’s having none of it. It seems he’s still in love with his dear, dead Ygritte (Rose Leslie), and Melisandre is all too aware of that. She doesn’t take rejection lightly, telling the poor bloke he still knows nothing. If I’m honest, I’m with Jon on this one. We don’t need no new smoke babies showing up!
Shame on you (iii)
Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) mate, you may have lost a hand, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to skive off work. Honestly, he’s quite content to allow Bronn (Jerome Flynn) to do everything for him – kill Dornish men, dig their graves, and wipe his arse most likely. Always good to have a handyman around.
Still, if you thought Tyrion and Bronn were hilarious together, watching the double act between Jaime and Bronn is, arguably, even more enjoyable. Having said that, can Bronn not hop on a ship, get himself over to Meereen, bump off Daario and help Tyrion get Dany the hell out of Essos? You know, so we can have some advancement with her.
It was, however, lovely to be introduced to the Dornish’s bury-you-up-to-your-head-in-the-sand-before-releasing-scorpions-on-you custom. I’m with Bronn – these guys are fucking crazy.
Shame on you (iv)
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Cersei (Lena Headey). Sometimes, she’s pretty damn smart. But sometimes she’s a bloody idiot.
So desperate is she to get one over on Margaery (Natalie Dormer), she’s armed a bunch of religious nutjobs and given them power to arrest anyone they think has committed a great sin. This got Loras (Finn Jones) locked up very quickly, but does she not think that incest might not go down too well either? I mean, talk about giving Hannibal Lecter a knife and hoping he doesn’t produce some fava beans and carve out your liver. Dangerous game, Cersei.
With no Tywin (Charles Dance) to discipline her, no Jaime to caution her, and no Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) to remind her what a blockhead she is, Cersei really is very dangerous. She’s nowhere near as smart as she thinks, and now she’s seeding her own doom.
That ends our coverage of the leaked episodes. Now everyone will be watching at the same rate and won’t be able to spoil things. Unless they’ve read the books, of course. Because if this season has achieved anything, it’s being a very faithful adaptation of the books. No changes at all. Nope.
What do you think so far? Is season five living up to your expectations? If I’m honest, while I’m enjoying it, I do feel the storylines are dragging a bit. After all, the show’s creators have stated they want to wrap everything up in seven seasons, if possible. At the show’s current pace, is that feasible?
Let’s not forget George RR Martin hasn’t ruled out writing more than the seven books he has planned – book six is due to be released any decade now… maybe. So, should they be getting a bit of a move on? Or is the slower pace working for you?
Either way, we won’t be slacking. Join us at the same time next week for more shaming.