Well, quite a bit happened in that one, didn’t it?

In one of the show’s most entertaining scenes, Sam Tarly (John Bradley-West) called out Janos Slynt (Dominic Carter) on his cowardice – go Sam! Also, that nasty black dragon is back in Meereen, and we met one of my favourite characters from the books, Prince Doran of Dorne (Alexander Siddig). Rest assured, this guy might look weak, but he’s as cunning and vengeful as old, dead Tywin, and he has serious beef with the Lannisters.

There was a lack of torture and nudity this week, which made me question if it was indeed Game of Thrones I was watching, and I hadn’t snuck BBC’s Atlantis on instead. So was this episode all that shameful? Of course it was.
 

Shame on you (i)

Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) has always thought herself much smarter than she actually is, and this week was no exception. With her father dead and her brother on the run in Essos – more on him later – she thinks she now has a clear path to do anything she wants. As her uncle Kevan (Ian Gelder) reminded her, it’s the king who shapes the council, not the Queen Mother.

I mean, would it have killed Cersei to drag Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) down to the chamber to give him her orders? Still, it was interesting to see her give Dr. Frankenstein wannabe Qyburn (Anton Lesser) a seat on the council – he just gets weirder by the episode.

What the hell was he going to do with that dwarf’s head? Stick it on the Mountain? Creeeeeeepy. And it’s also lovely to know that Cersei will gladly slaughter all dwarves she finds until she gets hold of Tyrion (Peter Dinklage). Where the hell is Thorin Oakenshield when you need him?

 

Shame on you (ii)

Argh! He was there! Right there! Daario Naharis (Michiel Huisman), never passing up an opportunity to look more bad-ass than everyone else, deliberately stood in front of where one of the Sons of the Harpy was hiding, and the Son did nothing! Couldn’t he have stabbed Daario in the back and done us all a favour? Yes, it would have meant his death as well, but at least there’d be no more Daario.

On that subject, it was interesting to note how the Harpy’s Son managed to plaster himself into a wall. That’s quite the elaborate hiding place. Has he never heard of under the bed? Is hiding in a simple box not good enough for him? And how did Daario know to look there? I mean, really.

 

Shame on you (iii)

Jaquen H’ghar (Tom Wlaschiha) is possibly one of the biggest trolls on the show, and he seemed like such a nice bloke before! Poor Arya (Maisie Williams). You meet a guy who gives you an address to contact him. You traipse all the way across the sea to pay him a visit and he answers the door wearing someone else’s face and pretends not to know you. Either he’s playing an elaborate prank, or he’s just not that into you.

Thankfully he stopped being a douche eventually and let her in. Though it’s a shame we didn’t get to see her kill those three muggers. Because, let’s face it, she would’ve done. Is she old enough yet for me to admit I’m kind of in love?

 

Shame on you (iv) 

Jon Snow (Kit Harington) may know nothing, but this is clearly not an opinion shared by the Night’s Watch. At one point, it looked like Jon may have to form a coalition with Ser Denys (J. J. Murphy) to keep old Alliser Thorne (Owen Teale) out of power, but Maester Aemon’s (Peter Vaughan) deciding vote saw Jon elected the new Lord Commander.

Congratulations Jon! Even though Stannis (Stephen Dillane) basically offered you the North on a plate, and an army to take it, as well as vengeance against the Boltons for what they did to your brother… good for you, lad. Now you get to lead a group of miserable so-and-sos, half of whom hate your guts, and fight zombies until you eventually freeze to death when winter comes.

I sometimes wonder if Jon Snow really does know nothing. No matter though, Stannis, there are still four more Stark children out there. If the Boltons don’t get their hands on them first.

 

Shame on you (v)

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is still having a hard time up in Meereen. She went from hero to zero with one action – the execution of a former slave. Seriously, haven’t the people of Westeros heard of a life sentence? Send the idiot to prison! It shows you to be merciful, but also shows you won’t tolerate murder from anyone.

This time last year, she was the Mother of Dragons, loved and worshipped by all the slaves she’d liberated. Now, two dragons are locked up, one is flying about elsewhere, and her people hate her. Good job, Dany! Maybe firing Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) wasn’t the best idea. Things kind of went to shit after he left, didn’t they?

On a related note, Tyrion and Varys (Conleth Hill) are on their way, so maybe they can knock some sense into her. Latest news on Tyrion’s beard: it’s even longer. Dude, you need a shave.

 

That concludes episode two. Join us next week for the triumphant return of the Boltons. Surely Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) will give me some material to work with!

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