film Review

How do you review a movie like Hybrid 3D? The title immediately suggests something hokey akin to other 3D sleaze fests such as Piranha 3D or My Bloody Valentine 3D and, therefore, cannot be reviewed with any pretences of high art or masterful film-making. It also holds the dubious honour of being released straight to DVD which means either one of two things: 1) It made zero money in America or 2) it’s a heap of shit. So, when taking it for what it is, a hokey b-movie shot in 3D with straight-to-DVD standards, is the film at least entertaining as a piece of drunken Friday night schlocky fun?

No. No it isn’t.

When the plot features a mutant car that eats people (that is literally all you need to know about the story), the film needs to either play it as knowingly stupid (ala Piranha 3D) or be so absolutely terrible that the entertainment value stems from the film’s ineptitude (ala Friday the 13th remake). Unfortunately, Hybrid 3D is neither, opting instead to claw at what limited gravitas the material has whilst never once allowing itself to admit just how stupid it really is. Point of fact: (spoiler warning) the beast hidden beneath the car’s hood is explained away as a shape shifting squid. Not an alien or some Christine style possession, it’s a squid. Why then is the entire cast running around totally deadpan when the material practically screams for the tongue-in-cheek approach?

But this seriousness brings attention to the film’s major plot hole: if this super-squid is now adept at mimicking a car, why not mimic something more practical like a wardrobe or a bed, something where it can wait patiently for its prey? Also, with the powers this creature has, why is it that, toward the film’s third act, it is thwarted by a chain suspended in its path when earlier it demonstrated an uncanny ability to traverse the compound with relative ease? It’s a squid, surely it should be able to climb walls. And why does it continue to disguise itself as a car when its true identity is deduced a mere twenty minutes in? And where did our heroes find the hours it would take to convert an elevator shaft into a tiger trap?

This, of course, could be construed as being too harsh as the film, judging by its title and straight to DVD status, is bound to be awful. However, it can be argued that, had this film been overly trashy, it might just have worked. Who cares about the logistics of its concept if there’s genuine laughs, gratuitous violence and a knowing wink at the camera? Alas there is no wink, no blood and no fun. This films starts with a crawl and somehow slows down when the tension should be mounting.

Hybrid 3D is shit. Not shit in a Friday night fun kind of way and not shit in a ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ kind of way, it’s just boring, plodding, redundant shit. The film-makers desperately need to see Hobo With a Shotgun. That’s how you make excellent trash.

Painfully obvious dialogue: ‘That sounds like no engine I’ve heard before…’ states our protagonist as the evil car makes the muted noise of a Velociraptor.

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