Before we start, I’d just like to thank Wilkinson Sword for me informing me through their latest ad that Star Wars: The Last Jedi is being released on December 14. If it hadn’t been for that, all the date would’ve meant to me is the fact that it’s 11 days before Christmas. To be honest it still does, because I happen to be one of those crazy people that have never seen a Star Trek – sorry, Star Wars – movie.

Now that you’ve all picked your collective jaws up off the floor, you’ll have guessed that the force isn’t exactly strong over here. That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate the power of the franchise; the facts and figures don’t lie. The way it’s become interwoven into our cultural psyche is undeniable – I wouldn’t be writing this now otherwise. Having said that, with the local cinema due to be closed temporarily while it’s being turned into a multiplex, I am finding it quite amusing that a few fans I know are getting a little nervous over a possible clash with The Last Jedi‘s release.

That’s how much it means to all of you enlightened ones out there. I do sometimes wish that I was part of the club as I always feel a little left out of all the buzz and hype that surrounds a Star Wars film. It’s like Christmas coming early for everyone except me. Then I realise that I have a lot to be thankful for: I have a life. However, maybe this article’s the start of my journey to the dark side.

I’m not a complete ignoramus either. I know who voiced Darth Vader in the first three films, and I know Yoda when I hear him. I’m also aware that Alec Guinness gained a whole new fanbase in playing Obi-Wan Kenobi, rather like Harry Potter actors today. It’s just that it all goes over my head most of the time, not to mention the fact that all of what I’ve just said could well be completely wrong.

Whenever there’s an upcoming Star Wars flick, rumour mill can’t help but go into overdrive. Again, I feel like an outsider, like it’s a private joke that the rest of the world’s in on. Take the latest news where it’s been confirmed that Lando Calrissian won’t be making a return: is that really such a big deal? Well it must be, but it’s rather like the so-called ‘breaking news’ on Sky Sports when a footballer twists his right ankle. Such questions as ‘will Rey be put to the test?’ are wasted on me. Still, hearing about Princes William and Harry performing Stormtrooper cameos raised a smile. On that note, it seems as if everyone has a secret ambition to don the famous outfit, so kudos.

Before I go, one last confession. Last year I was given – not lent, given – a copy of The Force Awakens. Did I watch it? Of course not! There’s a few more light years to go before the loss of this particular Star Wars virginity.

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