Donnie Darko

The decisions listed below are presented here in numerical order, but this is only for ease of reference! No value judgement is being made on these decisions, but needless to say they are all bad. Some perhaps more than others.

Donnie Darko

10. Listening to a six-foot rabbit – Donnie Darko

When young Donnie Darko decided to indulge his disturbing visions of what looked like the grunge Easter Bunny, it triggered a chain of events that ended with him being crushed under the engine of an aeroplane, and the apocalypse – something that would spoil anyone’s day.

9. Starting a dinosaur theme park – Jurassic Park

Richard Attenborough saw dollar signs when he should have seen raptor claws as he drew up the plans for Jurassic Park, his ill-fated dinosaur theme park. With a flimsy fence as all that stands between the audience and a giant T-Rex, what could possibly go wrong? A duplicitous computer nerd and a tropical storm, that’s what.

8. Embezzling the boss – Psycho

If Marion Crane had never taken that money from her boss, then she would never have been forced to hide out at the Bates Motel, and the sight of Anthony Perkins dressed up as a murderous old lady would never have been burned indelibly into a nation’s consciousness. Beware of grannies bearing knives!

7. Killing that alien – Attack the Block

The events of the hoodies vs. aliens saga Attack the Block would never have happened had the youths been able to resist kicking the female to death. This would have led to London living to see another day, and nobody seeing giant balls of fur with luminous teeth in their nightmares!

6. Making a documentary about the Blair Witch – The Blair Witch Project

In an effort to combine everything scary into one day out, three film students venture into some scary woods in rural America, talking to the local folk and looking for a witch. What could go wrong? Everything. Everything is what could go wrong.

5. Bring King Kong to New York – King Kong

‘Hello! My name is Carl Denham and I’ve just caught a giant gorilla! I’m going to bring him from the island where he lives in total isolation into the centre of New York, where I expect he will unable to harm anyone or destroy any buildings! Got any ineffectual chains?’

4. Not keeping an eye on little Jason Voorhees at Camp Crystal Lake – Friday 13th

Continuing the crazy old lady theme from entry number 8, Mrs. Voorhees would never have murdered those horny teenagers and would never have been forced to don such horrible, horrible knitwear had the camp counsellors just kept one eye on Jason in the lake all those years ago. Would it really have been so hard? Was it worth it to see Kevin Bacon get an arrow through the neck?

3. Adopting the Antichrist – The Omen

Although it wasn’t a deliberate decision on their part, everyone can agree that the devil is an awful person and it’s best that his offspring doesn’t exist in our world. The moment that a 666 birthmark is discovered on the scalp of a child whose origins are murky at best is the moment that you reconsider your relationship with that child, lest your pregnant wife should fall with some fish from a balcony.

2. Agreeing to look after the Overlook Hotel for the winter – The Shining

If nothing else, The Shining is a great example of how expectations can go unfulfilled. Jack Torrance wanted a simple retreat in which to write his magnum opus, with his small family in tow and earn some money along the way. Instead, he ended up being driven insane by visions, discovering that he may actually have always been destined to become consumed by the hotel, and almost murdering his wife and son.

1. Creating Skynet – The Terminator series

Cyberdyne Systems, aka Cyberdunce Systems, take the biscuit with the stupid decision to create a vast artificial intelligence with the capability to completely eradicate mankind and the Earth as we know it. D’oh! Who knew that the world’s fate lay at the sizeable feet a nude robot and a wise-cracking Generation X-er?

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