Those among us who enjoy the festive season spend about a month looking forward to Christmas Day. Those who aren’t particularly bothered might be excited for a week, and those who just don’t care may or may not notice when the day swings around. But there’s one man who looks forward to the day 364 days out of the year, and that man is Kris Kringle. For the Kringles, Christmas Day marks their one day off from an otherwise hectic year organising delivery schedules, shopping for iPads and fattening up all of Rudolph’s cousins. On Christmas Day Santa and his Mrs can finally relax, kick back with their Turkey and enjoy a good old-fashioned movie marathon. I think judging by the amount of videos / dvds / blu-rays found in children’s stockings over the years, it’s fair to assume that the couple are a fan of motion pictures.

While Santa carefully makes his list and checks it twice (fingers crossed I’m in the ‘nice’ column this year…), let’s consider a speculative list of our own regarding the Kringle’s viewing schedule for Christmas Day 2011.

Miracle on 34th St.

Santa gets millions of adoring letters a year. This will have inevitably led to a degree of narcissism, and so watching a film about himself will be compulsory. Having never met anyone who doesn’t like Richard Attenborough, I can make an informed guess that he will be Santa’s mirror of choice.

Borat

According to the phallic chocolates Santa left under the tree for me last year, it’s safe to say he has a questionable sense of humour. Borat will suit him down to the ground. Not sure how the missus will cope though. Let’s hope she’s not as easily offended as my granny, who got a bit of a shock.

Life in a Day

On the same day every year, Santa travels the globe. But with such a tight schedule, he never gets to appreciate every destination. Life in a Day will give him a taste of what he’s so close to and yet so far from.

Love Actually

Remember, there’s a Mrs Claus. She needs her downtime just as much as her other half, if not more so (who do you think keeps the elves under control…?) Therefore when it comes to the movie selection, you can bet she’ll have a say. And being a romantic at heart who’s practically married to Christmas itself, Love Actually is bound to be her favourite.

Die Hard

Santa agrees with me that it wouldn’t be Christmas without Bruce (Willis, not Forsyth…) and his one-liners. This classic has become as much a staple of Christmas as Santa’s red suit, and so he appreciates the ceremony of watching it every year.

And just to clarify what Santa definitely WON’T be watching:
Elf – he sees enough of those on a daily basis.
Bad Santa – it’s offensive and verging on slanderous.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – his wife is worried it might give him ideas.

Unless you’re a character from In Time, you have the luxury of time to choose what films you want to watch and when, from an endless list of possibilities. So whilst you’re un-wrapping your reindeer socks, snowman tie or penguin jumper, spare a thought for the Kringles; they give up a year’s worth of cinematic bliss so that you can pretend to like their gift and then re-wrap it for your dad next Christmas. Thank you Mr and Mrs Claus; we appreciate your sacrifice.

P.S I’d like Toy Story 3 please, and no more shaped chocolates…

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